


Making decisions

by AthenaErrata



Series: The Rodriguez Files [3]
Category: The Dresden Files - Jim Butcher
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:54:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21521740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AthenaErrata/pseuds/AthenaErrata
Summary: Susan thinking about Harry. Whats it like to date a wizard
Relationships: Harry Dresden/Susan Rodriguez
Series: The Rodriguez Files [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550419
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	Making decisions

What do you do when you’re in love with the wrong guy? If a friend asked me that I know what Id say. Break it off. Walk away. It’ll hurt for a while but you’ll get over it. There’s plenty of fish in the sea. But there’s only one Harry Dresden. 

I don’t know what I’m doing with him. Don’t know where its going. Don’t even know if theres anywhere it can go. How do you go out with a wizard? I mean first off theres the limitations on places to go. No movie theatres, no concerts. He comes round mine rarely, stuff breaks pisses off my housemate. Then theres the bigger stuff, can you really build a life with a guy who’s going to live to several hundred? I don’t even know why Im thinking about that. We’re only dating. A few dinners, more and more nights together. We’re having fun.

And strangely enough he is fun. Underneath the reclusive, tough guy persona is a true oddball. I like it. He makes me laugh. And there’s so much to learn. The things he knows. Then there's the things I learn about him. Maybe that’s why I cant break it off. He’s so alone. He’s so delighted to just be with me. None of it is anything much from the outside. In fact, initially I thought he wasn’t all that interested. Dates were few and far between. But I followed my daddy’s advice and looked at how he treats me. He’s always pressed and dressed when he’s meeting me – well to the best of what he’s got in that wardrobe of his. Tries so hard to show me a good time, even if it doesn’t always work out. Weird stuff happens around Harry Dresden. He’s definitely not a boring date. He treats me well. Always calls when he says he will, even if its just the phone ringing and static. Or well, he doesn’t ring sometimes but there's always a good excuse and he looks so wretched giving it. ‘Susan Im so sorry, there were gremlins/poltergiests/imps/vampires’. Delete as necessary. Anyway I looked at how he treated me and realised that the reason the dates were so far apart was he couldn’t afford it. Wouldn’t let me pay either unless Ive invited him. No going dutch for Harry – stupid guy, like it’s the 18th century. But he made so much effort. Picked me flowers from local parks, sent me sunshine in a hanky when I was complaining about missing California, took me to drive ins to watch movies. Dinners by candlelight at his. He tries to make his place nice for me. Warms it up, candles everywhere. Buys the wine I like. Yeah dad he treats me right.

But anyway, theres nothing to suggest its really all that serious. Except how I feel, how much I like him. And how he looks at me sometimes, maybe? Or maybe that’s just cos he cant really look at many people. What must it be like to never be able to look anyone in the eyes? I watch him around other people, the swift checking of faces, never too long. Gets in the way of building relationships when you can never actually hold someone’s gaze. Hard for people to trust you. Isolating. Feels like he just relishes being able to actually look at someone when he’s with me. Or even have someone to be intimate with. Someone to talk to, I never realised how much I take all that for granted until I met him. My friends, my colleagues, my life. From what he says even other wizards don’t really trust him - or like him. He shrugs it off with that tough guy act, but it must hurt. I remember once we almost had a fight when he called me ordinary. I bristled annoyed, then he said: ‘Susan, its like the best compliment Ive ever had. A beautiful, normal, girl wants to spend time with me. Just with me, not all the weird wizard crap’. The wonder in his tone made me turn jokey

‘Hey Im just pumping you for information remember.’ Im such a bitch.

He shook himself but recovered to joke back: ‘Oh yes you’re here with me because you take you’re reporting really seriously.’ He smiled gesturing down at the rumpled bed. I just kissed him and got round to another round of rumpling. I like to be thorough in my investigations.

So yeah Im Miss Ordinary. Not really good for a girl’s ego is it? I don’t know, I wanted to be something, a great reporter. In charge of my own life. And I kind of am, works busy and all, I’m doing well. But since getting together with Harry it feels more and more like I’m the heroe’s sidekick. Im not even the sidekick, Robin goes along on missions, Harry tries to keep me out of everything. So Im the heroes’ girlfriend. The heroes’ sexy latin chick. Fulfilling the stereotype, super. 

I mind and then I feel stupid. What I’m doing, what I do, seems shallow compared to Harry. I remember the first time I went round his place. I looked down on it all. The basement apartment, the second hand furniture. His tatty office. I wanted a guy who’s going places. Now all that makes me feel ashamed. Whats he’s doing is important. Nobody recognises it, he doesn’t even make a decent living out of it. But he keeps doing it anyway - because he thinks it’s worth doing. And he treats things right. Like his office and apartment: barring periods of monster fighting when it all goes to pot, I notice how much care he takes of it all. OK. He’s not Betty Crocker but things are tidy and clean. He loves his home, looks after that giant cat of his with real care. Works at his magic with enthusiasm and diligence. Im amazed at how much time he spends gathering ingredients, working on his craft. He applies himself to his life. I get that. I do that too. 

Then again what else would he spend his time on? Possibly the worst moment on our first date was when I asked him about his friends. He cleared his throat and said ‘well you met Bob already’. I looked puzzled. ‘You know the skull?’ 

‘That thing is your friend?’

‘I guess he is. And there was Murphy’, sadness in his eyes, ‘but I don’t think we’re friends anymore.’

I waited for more names, none came. Harry just fiddled with his napkin. 

He’s just different to everyone else. I should have got up and left then. Weird, dangerous, socially ill adjusted man, not a good prospect really. 

But I didn’t. Instead I keep having the same argument with myself. Just break it off and move on to something, someone, simpler. Someone less screwed up, someone with fewer secrets, someone less scary. But I don’t. Instead I keep pretending its all no big deal. Just laughs and fun. And it is. Harry's great to be with. Fun, passionate. He's the most interesting person I imagine Ill ever meet. I keep trying to find my feet with the supernatural stuff, get really involved you know. Really dig up something serious. I keep not saying ‘I love you’ because Im scared he’ll run a mile. Or we’ll have to face up to whats going on between us. I stopped dating other guys over a year ago. I know my friends are wondering why I put up with him. The guy who cancels dates for reasons I cant tell them. The guy whose weird and often shabby and doesn’t look anyone in the eye. Yeah they don’t like him much. He knows it, but we dont talk about it.

Maybe the only way to bring it all to the next level is to really jump right in. To stop letting him keep me at arm’s length: ‘protecting me’. That’s why Ive swiped his invite to the Ball. I’m going, no matter what he says. Im not just some chick for his amusement on his days off. Kept safe and secure in a little box. I want to be in, on everything. Be with him properly, in his life. So maybe that takes getting into the thick of it and not just hanging around for dates and dinners and trips to the beach. Yes, that’s what Im going to do, jump right in. I mean how bad can it really be?


End file.
